dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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