Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
