I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize
