Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
