dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
