I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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