Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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