i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
