On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
