WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
as a side note pls kill me
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
