I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
