Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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