Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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