He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
