i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
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