I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
