just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
50% drunk capacity currently
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
