I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
