My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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