There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
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