The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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