I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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