Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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