there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again