the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock