I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world