Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.