Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture