see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
