I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.