Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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