And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm jealous of your bromance
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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