They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
