that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
