I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
