you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
