you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
