So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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