Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
