Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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