I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
