grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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