Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
