I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
