So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
BRING THE BAGELS
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
