birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
