well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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