I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
