What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
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