dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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