the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
