The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
