Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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