btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
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