sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I want to make a zoo with you.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
