Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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