i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
