just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
