Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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