I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
