there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
