alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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