Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
