Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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