He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
