My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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