Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
