That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
