it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
