she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
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Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
We have started to decorate penises.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
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Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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