Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
