seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
