my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
