either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
