I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Randomize
