That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
