We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
