that's an acceptable place to lick
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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