I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
