Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
