The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
