My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
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She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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