im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
