I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
