she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Randomize
