with your own penis?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
