I accidentally burped into my bong.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
