I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
